Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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