Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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