if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
