I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
