I look better un-naked...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
