if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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