you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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