I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
