Christians are straight up FREAKS
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
