Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
