And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
