The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have fence marks all over my body
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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