Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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