he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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