wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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