sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
