Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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