East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
