Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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