"it" just moved
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
