we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
