I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
