Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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