Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
