i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
