So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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