walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
