Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
