if i can run in heels then i can drive
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
