I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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