Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
