Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She is in my trunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
