We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
