My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
