what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
