Having a random hookup so left but love u
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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