my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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