When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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