The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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