so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
