let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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