i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
