she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
