I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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