you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
