I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
