Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
