so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
