drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
