My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
